Is There A Culture Gap? (Part IV)

Common interests or similar hobbies are always considered important for the success of a relationship or marriage. Usually with similar interests, couples can do things together, which adds fun to the relationship, and increases the closeness of two people physically, emotionally and spiritually. The worse thing could happen is that two people have totally different interests and they hate each other's hobbies. I used to know a couple. The man was a football fan. He was little bit obsessed with the game, while the woman just hated football. She felt it was so boring to sit in front of the television , watching people kicking the ball madly. So whenever there was a game on the television, they would have an argument. At the meantime, the woman loved classical music which drove the man crazy. He would have a headache when he heard the symphony orchestra. So when the woman put music on, the man had to go out and have a walk. We can imagine how long this relationship could last.

Also opposite interests may create jealousy, anxiety, stress, and insecurity to the relationship. Say if a man is a regular tennis player, while a woman knows nothing about tennis, or dislikes it at all. When the man wants to play with his friends, the woman may feel she is left alone, rejected, or she may think there is other women who are playing with the man. She would feel insecure in the relationship.. Or a woman loves dancing, while the man prefers to stay at home. Every time when the woman wants to go dancing with friends, the man may think why the women is so interested in dancing. Maybe there are some other men she would attract to.

Quite often different interests become one of the major reasons to cause conflicts in the relationship and marriage. That is why people always prefer someone who has similar interests when they are looking for a partner. However, because of different cultures, or different upbringings, it could be difficult for an Australian man to find an Asian lady who shares same interests with him. Can that relationship still work?

First of all let 's have a look at the differences between Australians and Asian in their interests.

Australia is a sports orientated country. Tennis, cricket, football, swimming, surfing, etc. are very popular for the whole nation. From young age, people will get training either from school, or by their parents to play those sports or at least to watch the games. The convenience of different facilities, and venues with low to no cost enables everyone to have a play. This interest's carries on till their adulthood. Quite often the whole family would go out playing sports together, or watch games together. It becomes one of the popular family activities.

Apart from sports, Australian people also have their own way to socialize with friends. Friends do not get together very often except they belong to same interests club and have regular activities organized. But the friendship won't die because they do not meet each other regularly. They'd like to send a nice card, or make a brief phone call to tell friends that they are thinking of them. Every now again, they still will catch up with one another by having breakfast, coffee, lunch, etc together.

Talking about music, most Australians like modern music. They love those modern singers and singing group, like Savage Garden, Britney Spear, etc. Classical music like Beethoven's, Chokolvsky's, or Chopin's are not so popular as many decades ago. People prefer to enjoy something lighter, and more relaxing.

While people from Asian background could have different interests and hobbies.

Not many Asian countries are as sports orientated as Australia. One of the main reasons for this is because most of Asian countries have much more population than in Australia. There is not much free space to build sports venues, like tennis courts, golf courses, football grounds, or swimming pools. So the access is quite limited for the majorities. Sometimes playing sports could be an expensive interest for the people who live on moderate wages. . For example, there is an annual fee of US$10,000 for golf club membership in some Asian countries. Each time there is some other fees when playing. Swimming is quite popular in all Asian countries, but surfing is only for professional athletes. The most popular sports apart from soccer, are table tennis, badminton, basketball, etc.

As part of the culture, Asian people would like to stay close contact with their friends. Regularly they go out to have yamcha, dinner, traveling, etc. Entertaining friends at home with home cooking meal and followed by karoake is very popular , too. If for time being , there is no right time to get together, friends could spend hours on the phone chatting. The phone conversation could be as late as midnight.

Talking about music, Asian people have different taste as well. Apart from that modern young generation, it is a symbol of class, education to enjoy classical music. Romantic, light, slow melody is in always in favor for the majority. A lot of people hate heavy metal music, or noisy music.

As we can see there are a lot of differences in the interests, or hobbies between an Australian man and an Asian lady if they intend to start a relationship. It could be so frustrated for an Asian lady if her Australian boyfriend wants her to sit down watching rugby league with him without knowing the rules, regulations. Or it could upset the Australian boy friend by watching his Asian girlfriend chatting with friends on phone for hours. People would ask whether the relationship still could work even the interests are different.

To start a relationship, people need physical attraction, or chemistry or personality compatibility. However to develop, or to maintain a long-lasting relationship, people need understanding, mutual respect as well as communication. Same interests don't guarantee the success, or different interests should not be the reason to fail. The key is our determination of making it successful, result from which people will have understanding, respect as well as communication. It doesn't mean different interests between the couples won't cause any stress. With understanding, the couple would recognize and accept the fact that people could have different interests; with respect couples would encourage the partners to maintain, or develop their own interests, instead of complaining, or trying to change their interests; with communication couples would share their interests with the partners, or happily participate some activities which they never tried before.

For instance, if the husband loves football, while the wife hates football. The husband could still suggest the wife to watch the game with his explanation of the rules and regulations. When understanding how to watch the game, she may start getting interested. At the meantime, the wife should encourage the husband to maintain that interests even if she still could not build up any interests in football . On the other hand, if the wife would go out with friends for Yamcha, the husband should also encourage, or even should try to join the group.

The other key for the couple to overcome the stress from different interests is to be sensitive with partner's emotion. Some people could go extreme when practicing their interests. Say if the wife is keen on dancing, and should attend dancing class that night, while the husband is very tired after coming back home from work, she should cancel the class and stay at home to be with the husband. Or there is a football game in the television, while the wife is not well, the husband should at least ask the wife before he switches on the television whether it is alright to watch that game. The worse thing could happen is that one party is obsessed with some interests totally ignoring any people around him/her. In that case, the reason to make the partner upset is not different interests, it is the selfishness. Obsession is one of the fatal flaws to the relationships, or marriages.

Attitudes are always the most important thing for any success. . With right attitude, negative can become positive. It could be more exciting if we have the chance to learn and develop some new interests from our partners. Also we can remain certain space for each other and make the togetherness more desirable if we encourage our partners to keep their interests while we keep ourselves .But if we don't have right attitude, different interests may make us upset, frustrated and miserable. The choice is in our own hands.