Emotion Comes Slow and Goes Slow

Initially when a women's physical appearance excites a man, naturally he has the drive to make a woman happy and fall in for him as soon as possible. To achieve that, he would want to meet this woman all the time. He will think of her a lot, including

Imagining having sex with her, or wondering whether she likes him, or trying to judge whether she is still going out with other men, etc. Therefore he keeps ringing her a few times a day. He will also try very hard to understand what this woman wants. If she is a romantic person, he will deliver as many flowers as possible. If she is practical, he will try to give her many gifts. If she is materialistic, he will try to show off his own financial success, or if she is intellectual, he will try to talk more about the books he read, or take her to art galleries, etc. In a word, he will try all his best. This is called : chasing.

When a man is doing the chasing, the message, which goes into a woman's mind, is not the things he does, but the emotion he gets involved with, which arouses the expectation of love. We can often hear a woman's comments when a man is chasing her: he likes me so much, or he is so romantic, or he treats me so well……By saying that, the woman feels sweet and loved. So she starts loving back.

However many women don't understand that the initial chasing from men has no emotional involvement at all. It can be just the primitive physical attraction. It takes a much longer time for a man to love a woman than a woman to love a man.

Because the primitive excitement has no foundation, many men will slow down quickly after the chasing. They go back to their logical thinking: Is she the right person for me? Do I have to lock myself in without trying other opportunities? When the logical starts working, women will get much less phone calls from their boy friends, women will need to ask for what they want, women will be asked to take it slowly, women will also be asked to be more independent.

Unfortunately the time when men are using their logic is also the time many women are already involved emotionally, expecting love from their boyfriends. Obviously women will feel hurt, disappointed, or being used.

However when emotion comes slowly, it goes slowly, too. Once a man falls in love, he feels satisfied, content and even dependent. The emotion gets very deep inside his heart. Therefore once the relationship fails, a man's suffering of pain is far more severe than a woman can think. Unlike women, men don't have emotional network. They don't feel comfortable to talk about their emotions. They won't show their pain in public. They don't cry. The only relief they may have is to either lock themselves up, drinking, smoking, or dating around with different women. Many women think men will not hold on to hurt too long, because they could quickly have sex with another woman after the break-up. But having sex is very different from loving someone. It takes much longer time for a man to re-open his heart and love.

If a woman really loves her man, she shall understand this nature, taking it slowly and taking longer to win his heart, instead of pushing , or expecting him to love her in short period of time. On average, it takes approximately 3 months for a man to fall in love from his heart.

Loving Relationship Is a Man's Backyard

There are two essential drives for a man to have a relationship, and marriage. 1. Physical needs, 2. a backyard, a refuge island where he feels peace, loved and restful after the fighting, competing, succeeding, failing from his work, career and business. Without having these two needs satisfied, a man feels reluctant to make a commitment.

A good backyard for a man is to have a woman who is light-hearted, affectionate and caring. Her happy face cheers him up. Her sense of humor makes him forget his stress. Her questions about his work, attentive ears to listen to his frustrations are regarded as supportive and loving. Many men would appreciate a sensible and sensitive girl friend that understands when to bring the problems and issues.

A man would feel hesitant to marry the women who keeps talking about her own problems, and pushing him to discuss his emotions when he feels really stressful and tired. He will hate his girl friend always nagging about minor issues. He feels insecure when his girl friend always complains that he hasn't done the right thing. He feels frightened if his girl friend intends to change him, change his interests, change his style, even change his career.

Many Men Appreciate Wise and Confident Women

In old times, when a woman is young and beautiful, it was almost certain that she could marry a rich, successful man. At the time, women were a piece of decoration, and a housekeeper for the men. So all a woman needed to do was to make herself beautiful, listen to her husband's instruction, and look after children, cook, wash and iron for her husband.

However times have changed. In modern society, women have been offered equal opportunity to work, to be successful. Many men have changed their tastes and ideas about women. An attractive woman will always have the advantage for the initial attraction. However many men would like to have substance behind the pretty faces. So an intelligent woman with pretty face becomes popular when a man is selecting his girl friend.

Intelligence can be the education a woman received. However the more important things to show a woman's intelligence is to have various interests in life, to have common sense when perceiving, when judging people and situations, to be well-informed by what has happened in the society and world, to be able to discuss different subjects (doesn't have to be in depth), etc. If a woman's interests are limited, if she never wants to learn, many men will feel bored and will deal with her quickly. So the men will have sex with them, but they would be hesitant to bring the relationship to a deep level.

Not only wise, a confident woman can also be very attractive to many men.

A confident woman can be quiet or outgoing. However she knows what she is and what she wants. She feels comfortable with her looks, her job, and her own interests. She can be humble enough to listen to other people's opinions, but does not necessarily follow them. She has the ability to present her ideas without argument. She allows her boyfriend to be himself without trying to change him. A confident woman feels less insecure in the relationship. She will not be afraid of taking certain initiatives in the relationship, by ringing her boyfriend, inviting him out, instead of always waiting for him to do so. When the boy friend needs to go away for business, or have meeting with other people, or can't spend too much time with her, she will not feel jealous and upset. A confident woman will always have her own interests in life, either career, or recreational. A confident woman usually is relaxed, comfortable and with good sense of humor.

Confidence is very different from aggression and arrogance. Usually aggressive and arrogant people are insecure. Therefore they want to force others to accept their opinion by arguing, or criticizing, or knocking others down. They refuse to listen to anyone who doesn't agree with them. These people are intense, not relaxed.