Selecting Your Life-time Partner

Myths about selecting a partner

- Just wait, if you are lucky the right person will come along.
- Chemistry is everything, if the chemistry is right, everything else will be right.
- I want a person who fits all the external criteria, otherwise there is no point meeting.
- I do not believe in waiting for the future, if I can't find the person what I want today, how do I know I am going to find them tomorrow?
- The first impression is the most important thing, if it is not 'love at first sight', it will never happen.

However, the major reason for a solid relationship is the internal qualities of the partners, which needs time to discover and knowledge to recognize.

There are six inner qualities which decides a successful relationship:

1. Giving nature:

Characteristics:

- being supportive ( physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually);
- tolerant to other people's mistakes and faults;
- willing to adjust to and compromise for other people;
- being appreciative when receiving, and always wanting to give back.

All the above characters are from the nature of a person, which is hard to change.

These characters becomes the key for a successful relationship. It also becomes the guarantee for the couple to survive from the differences and life challenges.

If our partner has a giving nature, we will be:

- given emotional, physical and financial support when we need it;
- forgiven for our faults and mistakes;
- accepted for who we are, instead of who others think we should be;
- brave when we have challenges;
- appreciated when we give.

2. Honesty and emotional openness

Characteristics

A person with honesty and emotional openness will be:

- honest with self first;
- honest with other people;
- honest with his/her partner or lover:
- will not try to hide his/her own character, interests and hobbies or family situation for the sake of maintaining the relationship;
- will not flatter his/her lover or partner with words he/she does not mean;
- will not try to hide his/her emotions. Instead he/she will talk about it or ask questions without testing or playing games.

If the partner is honest and emotionally open:

- it is easier to have an open and transparent relationship;
- it will make us less vulnerable;
- there will be good communication;
- it will make us easier to trust;
- it will let us learn about the partner and understand his/her needs.

3. Learning attitude

Characteristics

A person with learning attitude will always be:

- thinking and striving for the best-they are achievers;
- willing to admit his/her own mistake and correct them;
- willing to listen and learn about his/her partner's needs and emotions;
- always has various interests and an intense passion for life;

If the partner has learning attitude, we know:

- he/she will grasp opportunities and become successful in his/her job;
- he/she will apply same attitude to the relationship to make it the best possible;
- he/she will not repeat mistakes.
- He/she will not live in the past.
- He/she will be an interesting person and, therefore, interesting to be with;
- He/she will try to know more about us and meet the needs.

4. Positive attitude

Characteristics

A positive person is:

- energetic;
- passionate;
- inspiring;
- confident;
- open;
- solution orientated instead of looking for fault and blaming others.

If the partner always has a positive outlook to life:

- he/she must be interesting to be with;
- he/she can be ordinary, or poor today, but will become successful eventually;
- he/she will be generous and understanding about our mistakes and weaknesses;
- he/she will try to communicate when it is necessary. Therefore the relationship will be transparent and open.

5. Maturity

Characteristics:

The mature person will:

- have good judgment, vision, goals and plans for his/her career. Therefore one day he/she will have good chance to achieve what he/she wants ;
- have good financial management skills. He/she will avoid unnecessary expenses and save and invest his/her money sensibly;
- will understand what he/she wants from a partner and so be able to judge the right qualities and recognize the right person;
- will not look for an impossibly perfect person so, once the right person comes along, they will make a commitment and stick to it instead of looking back all the time and regretting.

Characteristics:

The loyal and responsible person will be:

- loyal to the friends he/she has chosen;
- loyal to his/her career and goals which has been selected;
- loyal to the promises he/she has made;
- loyal to the emotions they have for another person;
- loyal to the relationship and marriage even when things go wrong; and take responsibility ;
- accomplishing any task he/she starts;
- building a good relationship; which they will not leave for small reasons; and they will:
- will not repeat mistakes;
- be persistent in what he/she set out to do;
- be caring towards partner.

These characters may not exist in every person, or a person may not have all the characters I mentioned above. Many of those characters may not be important for initial chemistry. However all these characters are important for a long-lasting relationship. If we can stretch our attention, or awareness beyond external issues, some long-term suffering, frustration, regrets can be avoided.